Psychotherapist Oleg Sus answers the questions of readers of the "Home".
A psychotherapist, a therapist at the Research Institute of Social Psychology and Personality Development Oleg Sus answers the questions of readers of the Home.
Hearing rudeness, I'm lost. How to respond to rudeness?
Any rudeness is an unexpected blow from around the corner. The main calculation is the enemy’s unpreparedness to answer. Often the boor enjoys it from your confusion. Hence this advice. Do not let yourself hurt. Pause, do not answer for a few seconds and “hold your face” so that not one muscle flinches. The most important thing here is to rise above the situation and discount the offense. The imagination can help with this. Imagine a thick glass between you and the abuser. You see how the lips of this man move, you see his facial expressions. But the words themselves do not reach your consciousness. You are even amused by the attempts of this person to tell you something. Doesn’t he understand that nothing is getting? At the same time, mentally hug yourself tightly and repeat to yourself: “I am good (good). Everything is fine with me!" Often rude people are very insecure, for whom the only way to be noticed and to assert themselves is rudeness. Confident answers work well against them, which the boor does not expect. And the smile is strong, defending your right to be above squabble!
How to find happiness?
I am 29 years old. I have been married for almost 8 years, have two sons (7 years and two years). As far as I can remember, I always go unhappy - no matter what. So it was in childhood. I begin to analyze: everything seems to be going the way it should, but I feel bad. I see that the eldest son also often walks in a bad mood, and the second is becoming more and more like a whiner. I have a good husband, however, all the time at work. But how else: one feeds us ... I feel like a dry leaf that is about to crumble, and my husband, apparently, is completely tired. He arrives at 12 at night, he still manages to joke, and asks about well-being, and I spread all the negativity accumulated during the day, although I go and forbid myself to think about the bad all day. How to teach yourself to live in joy and happiness? Would you recommend any literature?
It seems to be simpler - do as you decide: smile at life, accept your man, live in pleasure. But something incomprehensible does not give happiness to settle in your life. You are asking for a book. I like the words of Bert Hellinger, the famous German psychotherapist. Find his book on happiness. There is something to read. You talked about constant discontent. Something does not suit you all the time. As if what you have is not enough to be happy and calm down. I don’t know if you thought that all that we have is feelings and sensations at every present moment of time, they cannot be taken away from us. Discontent arises when we fly out of the present and turn to the past or future. And we say to ourselves: "What I have now is worse than what it was." So there are regrets. Or we think: "All the best is ahead." So fears are born. Two things are necessary for happiness: to remain in the present and to feel that what you have is enough for you!
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